Living in South Carolina has opened the door to so many new things; new people, new experiences and new bugs. We’ve had the occasional cockroach, excuse me Palmetto bug. We’ve been drivn mad by drain flies, but I have now reached the breaking point. After having a wonderful dinner this one super big, super annoying fly came and was up in everyone’s business. Flies are no big deal to us (except those super creepy pure black horse flies, *shiver*) but everyone was complaining so I put on my big girl pants grabbed a book and went to smack the fly. I smacked that fly off the ceiling and onto the floor and smacked it once more for added effect. I flip the book over to wipe the thing off when I noticed something. bursting out of the fly’s thorax was millions of disgusting maggots squirming and writhing with pain at their sudden birth. I was frozen to the spot. “What is it?” my dad asked. I slowly reached out to give him the book. “Oh, now that’s just nasty, go get some toilet paper and flush that thing down the toilet.” he said. I looked at him shocked. “Gross, no way you do it. You’re the dad.” I looked at him indignantly. “I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but fine.” he murmured. The kitchen was suddenly humming with excitement. “Ew gross I heard you killed some fly and it had babies.” Lawna shrieked with delight. “Uh yeah, ew.” I said squirting giant globes of aloe hand sanitizer into paper towels, to sterilize the crime scene so no dna prints could be traced back to me, I just killed a fly in warm blood you see (why do they call it cold blood any way. I am not cold blooded.). After my millionth time wiping the spot on the floor where the fly was and the book and  listening to J tell me that I shouldn’t kill anymore flies because they were all obviously pregnant and me telling her that this doesn’t really happen that often, I felt that the kitchen was safe to be in again. As I was walking away I could feel the little maggots crawling on my skin. All I really wanted to do was jump in a bath of bleach. A good scrub down with sanitizer would have to suffice though. I think that that bug interaction may have scared me because two days later when in the peak of my REM sleep I had a very interesting dream.

I was sitting in a car with a bunch of people I didn’t know. We were back in Fairbanks Alaska and were stationed in front of my mom’s mint green house. All of a sudden I see an all white missile space ship thing head right towards us. It breaks through the windshield and in the back was an astronaut. We helped him out of the car and he started to eat all of our food, my mom was having like a pot luck thing or something like that. (I don’t know if you seen Zathura but if you have it was kind of like that where he was eating all of our food.) So all of a sudden all these giant maggot fall from the sky and are attacking people and the astronaut doesn’t know what to do and one of them chases me into my house and I kill it by slamming the door on it’s head. When I look outside I see all the maggots join together in like a fast moving ball and they lay gross eggs. And then I woke up.

I mean I am not scared of bugs really, they just make me uncomfortable. And that maggot interaction really didn’t help.


3 thoughts on “The MAGGOTS

  1. Your maggot story brought back embarrassing memories for me. I’ve prided myself as an earthy person, and was a bit judgmental of Southern Women who were ‘clean freaks.’ Then, when doing extended RV travels in the south I got a bad case of sand fleas. Seeking ideas on how to deal with the situation from random strangers was rather humiliating. Finally got a plan from a veterinarian clinic. During that process I noticed one of our camping neighbors spraying bug killer on their outdoor mat right before breaking camp. My thoughts were pompous, along the lines of being one with nature. Then it dawned on me how the fleas might be getting in the van and trailer.

    So, I started adding “Spray outdoor mat” as one of the regular tasks. There was a dead big sort of fly thing on the mat, but I decided to give it a spray too. Immediately a long worm started to vacate the body of the dead fly. I was fascinated. I couldn’t Look away. It kept coming and coming! So big! I had no idea how it fit inside the poor dead fly’s body, and most likely what killed it to begin with. I then emptied the can of bug spray on the worm thing in the same hysterical, compulsive knee jerk reaction of anyone who has more adrenaline than is required for the perceived threat. All I could think of as I emptied the can was “What if I stepped on that fly with bare feet?”

    The moral of the story — I realized if I had been born and raised in the south I too would be a finicky house keeper. Oh, and this past March I became constant chigger bait. My love of visiting graveyards became dampened. Still, I guess long pants might allow me to indulg.

    Well, I hope Disney World has no maggot type rides. Somethings, scary or not, just aren’t good subjects for carnival rides.

    Liked by 1 person

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